One of the keys to joggling is to access more of your vital life force, or “prana”. Your chakras are centers of vital life energy, sort of like batteries, and accessing the trapped quantum energy from them can strongly influence how well you perform.
How can we access this energy? By opening up an extra chakra and the infinite wisdom they contain. Most of us have one or more of them closed. But by opening up an extra chakra, you will not only be able to joggle, but will be able to do so for miles and miles in a powerful quantum chakra state. Remember that all energy is infinite wisdom transformed through self-love.
To open up an extra chakra, you must:
1) Stop eating all garlic and onions. These foods divert prana away from the arms and legs and toward the stomach, and will make it difficult to open up the chakras that will allow you to joggle, besides bad breath interfering with the desired quantum state. In scientific terms, halitosis interferes with quantum superposition. Eating garlic can also interfere with your dating life, unless you are dating an Italian, but this is a whole other issue.
2) Stand upside down on your hands or hang upside down for 15 minutes a day. This will draw blood to the head and upper body and help to force open the extra chakra you need to be able to joggle. This will allow your wisdom to be liberated.
3) Punch a man with red hair in the face. The red hair must be natural, and he must be at least 5’6″. You must punch him hard. You don’t have to fight him, you can run away very fast afterwards. The very masculine, very hostile energy coming from the angry redhead will help to completely open the closed chakra. If he punches back, it still counts. Remember that chakras are like wheels, and this act will cause the wheels to turn as quickly as possible, helping you toward advanced quantum phasing.
Only by doing these 3 things will you be able to joggle. If you do not go through with them, you will never be able to joggle.
The above is a satire.
Posted in exercise, fitness, health, humor, joggling, Juggling, nutrition, running
Tagged chakras, exercise satire, garlic, juggling and chakras, juggling and physics, juggling and science, mysticism, onions, opening a chakra, prana, pseudo-science, punching redheads, quantum mechanics, quantum physics, quantum pseudo-science, quantum superposition, quantum woo, redheads, running and chakras, satire, upside down, wisdom is energy, yoga
I adore lentils. They are little gems of protein and so versatile, I can eat them every day. They are commonly eaten in the Middle East and adjacent regions, usually with rice, but I decided to use bulgur wheat instead. Bulgur wheat is also a staple of many Middle Eastern countries. I am minimizing my rice consumption(both white and brown) these days due it possibly playing a role in diabetes, and because other grains, like bulgur wheat, have a far superior nutritional value.
Bulgur wheat is often confused with cracked wheat. This may help clear up any confusion – GRAIN BASICS – BULGHUR (BULGAR) AND
It took about 30 minutes to cook the entire meal, boiling the green lentils(which require more cooking time) first in half water/half vegetable broth. I then added some red pepper powder, black pepper, and garlic powder. I also added chopped onions, along with chopped garlic, and a dash of olive oil. It tasted great, though I think it would have been better if I had added some cumin.
As a side dish/appetizer, I had some Korean kimchi(or Korean pickle), which helps stimulate digestion due to its spiciness and friendly bacteria. Koreans eat kimchi with almost every meal. The kimchi wasn’t homemade(it was Sunja’s Medium Spicy Kimchi), but it is vegan. Kimchi in Asian restaurants usually has shrimp or fish added to it. I occasionally make my own sauerkraut, but every time I try to make kimchi it doesn’t turn out well. The ingredients in this kimchi are: cabbage, carrots, red peppers, leeks, green onions, garlic, ginger, sea salt.
Lentils with bulgur wheat can also be considered an example of “Mediterranean” cuisine, besides “Middle Eastern”, depending on your definition of “Mediterranean”(many Middle Eastern countries have Mediterranean coasts, so I see no reason why they they can’t be considered both). The Mediterranean diet is back in the news these days due to recent research reaffirming how healthy it is, in part due to legumes like lentils being an important protein source in many Mediterranean countries. So you can’t go wrong by consuming more lentils. The east Asian diet is also similarly healthy, so combining the two has a uniquely healthful synergism to it.
All in all, a delicious vegan power meal that is a fusion of the best of Middle Eastern and Korean cuisine.
Posted in health, nutrition, vegan
Tagged Arab cuisine, bulgur wheat, cumin, digestion, fermented food, fusion cooking, fusion cuisine, garlic, grains, Greek cuisine, kimchi, Korean appetizers, Korean cooking, Korean cuisine, lentils, lentils with bulgur wheat, lentils with rice, Mediterranean cuisine, Mediterranean diet, Middle Eastern cooking, Middle Eastern cuisine, olive oil, onions, pickles, rice alternatives, rice and diabetes, rice substitutes, sauerkraut, spicy food, Turkish cuisine, vegan cooking, vegan cuisine, vegan health, vegetable broth, vegetarian cooking, vegetarian cuisine, vegetarianism, wheat, white rice, whole grain, whole grain recipes